I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
