there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
