just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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