omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
