After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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