like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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