I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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