Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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