What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
