What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
