Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
