Don't you send me to vm
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
