I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Sacagawea was the original milf.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
