Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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