I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
