I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
