1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
