some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Randomize
