the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
