im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
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