i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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