I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
