So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
