Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
