I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
We are all done wearing pants today
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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