Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
