i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
