I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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