that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
