I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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