Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
