He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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