Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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