Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
