ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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