Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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