I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
