I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize