Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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