if i can run in heels then i can drive
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
