Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
