Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
