Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Blow job season was short but glorious.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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