She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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