saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
