i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
