i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
