I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
