just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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