I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
