I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
