coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Holy sore nipples Batman
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
