just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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