My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
