Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Randomize
