yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
