I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize