I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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