So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
