She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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