I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
