I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
