i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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