He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
