Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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