Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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