I'd wear matching sweaters with you
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
