Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
