the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
