I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
