I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
