My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
