sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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