good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
