The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
