There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
