Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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