how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
