This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
